Love then, love now.

How great do you think the greatest love of all could possibly be? I have a friend who used to date this guy during lower secondary, we were only 14 then. He was older by about four years. I remember us envying her at that time because her boyfriend seemed so mature and understanding, not the childish kind who picks a fight with you over every little thing. Things went pretty well for a couple of years, then it ended. We have always thought it was such a shame but she then went on with her life and now she’s with a really good guy as well.

What I want to really say is that this friend of mine still keeps in touch with her ex, who is now a lecturer and I suppose, doing very well. He had wanted to resume the relationship a couple of times before, but the timing was never right. When she was single for a while, he got himself in a relationship. Right now, he still has the intention of seeing if things would work out now that they are both much more matured compared to almost a decade ago. Too bad we would never know the answer to that.

Do you think true love really does exist? To be honest, I’m not the kind of girl who believes in fairy tales and all those overly-happy stories people tell to kids. However I do believe that it is possible, that a person could love one person the most in his/her entire life, and never really get over that person even if they are no longer together. I think it is impossible to love only one person in our entire life, I think what happens is that there is always one individual whom we love more than others.

If you happen to have that kind of thing going on for you, meaning you are currently in a long term relationship with the person you love the most, then I guess you have to really cherish it. I wouldn’t say I have dated a lot of guys, but back then I never understood the true meaning of a break up. And I think most people don’t either. People see is as something sad, something to cry about. But from what I see, it should be something good. With every ending, there is a beginning.

There must be a reason why it didn’t work out. When something is not meant to be, no matter how much you try to force your way through, it will eventually break down. In my friend’s case, true, her ex might never find another person like her, but we can’t say the same for her. She’s happy now with someone who treats her well and at the end of the day, it takes two to tango. The feelings have to be mutual. Although I find it quite unbelievable to know that after all these years, he still thinks of her that way. What a great guy.

I think we are all at an age where we can tell if the person we are currently with now is the kind of person we see ourselves with in years to come. It takes a lot of understanding and compatibility to be with a person long term. And just because two individuals have been together for what seems like forever, it doesn’t mean they are as good as married and will eventually do so for sure. I know people who have dated for eight years and then one day, one of them decided it just isn’t working anymore.

Many see is as such a waste, being together all those years and then there it goes – down the drain. But would it be a better choice if they decide to get on with it anyway because they have been an item for so long, might as well carry on? I think the relationship will collapse later on, if not sooner. Therefore what’s important is to make the most of what you have. At least this friend of mine and her ex can today say, they had a few good years together.

Do you call it infatuation?

If you are in a relationship and you find someone else attractive, discovering this urge in you wanting to get to know that person better – do you call that emotional cheating? If you asked me several years ago I would’ve probably answered yes. But with the little experience and eye-opening theories that I have flooded myself with within the years, right now I’d say no.

Human emotions and feelings are complicated and they can’t be pinpointed down to just one explanation. It is human nature to be attracted to pretty things, in this case, people. However it does not necessarily have to be something negative. I guess I can consider myself being in a long-term relationship right now, and I dare say I have found other boys good looking – even wanting to get to know them better.

With that being said, it does not in any way reflect that my love and “commitment” have somehow reduced for my partner. I don’t think being committed means you do not associate with people whom you think might jeopardise your relationship and it certainly does not mean you have to stop meeting new people who might or might not impose some sort of risk on the bond you currently share with your partner.

Honestly speaking, boys are easy to read in my perspective. One look at my boyfriend’s facial expression or body language, even, and I can tell if he finds another girl attractive or not. Does it bother me? I can truthfully say, no. I’ve learned that it is not wrong for a person to “check someone out”. Have a little tiny harmless crush even, is really nothing to make a big fuss out of. I mean, I think one ought to be worried if the person they are with has no attraction of any sort towards anyone at all.

Many people I know “forbid” their partners from doing so but when it comes to themselves, they have this kind of confidence that they can do so without letting things cross the line therefore they’re allowed to do so. Well, that just shows how little trust you have in your man and frankly speaking, yourself too. After all you’re the one who chose to be with this person whom you can’t keep your eyes off just for a minute for fear he/she might run off with another person.

I’m guessing most people are afraid of the possibility of their partners finding someone else whom they can relate to better and end the relationship after doing so. I always say there’s no point in keeping things that are not meant to be. If that’s what you are afraid of then I reckon you are going to prevent your partner from making new friends for the rest of his/her life? Just how does someone plan on doing something like that?

I think you can say it’s a win-win situation. If your partner eyes other people yet comes back to you at the end of the day, you can be assured what the two of you have is genuine. If it happens to be the opposite of that, then you get to find out you’re not with the right person. Either way, there really isn’t any loss.