Parenting skills?

I may not know a great deal when it comes to parenting but I think a little portion of it comes down to general agreement. For instance, how often do you see kids these days glued to their electronic gadgets on the dining table during mealtimes with their family members? I’ve seen far too many times. I do not know about your parents; but I’d like to think my parents brought my brother and I up well.

That means no television or electronic gadgets/games during meals together. You may not see the substance of it but I think that having meals with your parents is something you don’t get to do very often these days and what is so difficult about spending half an hour or so completely focused on spending that quality time together?

What’s worse is when I notice how some children actually ignore their parents utterly when a conversation strikes up, it’s like their parents were imperceptible and the dejected parent eventually shifts his/her body uncomfortably and pretends like the conversation never occurred. That is just pure impudence. Most would say children like them may be still young or that they are just impish or maybe they are just too caught up with their game at that particular moment.

However I see it as something much more than that. The parents allowed such a thing to happen. And that heartens the children into thinking since Daddy or Mummy never scolded me about it, then I guess it’s okay or I’ll just keep doing it till one of them yells at me. Growing up, my Dad especially, would always remind my brother and I about etiquette and decorum. We would be told to greet and acknowledge older people when we see them, say please and thank you whenever the need arises.

Over the years, you grow accustomed to it and it becomes more of a habit rather than something you have to/forced to do to delight your parents/so that you don’t get a lecture out of it. It’s very much like the saying you reap what you sow. There must be a fine line between love and discipline. I’m not saying do not spoil children, but they must be aware of what’s right and what’s wrong. Adults these days are made of how they were brought up by their parents years ago, it’s a cycle really.

I’m not saying a person’s attitude or behaviour is entirely due to his/her upbringing but it no doubt plays an enormous role. Another example is how some of the younger generation these days talk to their parents. Parents who have brought them up over the years, fed and took care of them since they were born. I can’t believe how some can use profanity when conversing with their parents. No matter how angry or upset I am, I could never bring myself to utter such horrible words to my parents, or any elderly for that matter.

Yes your parents drive you nuts sometimes, maybe they tried to talk to you when you were in the middle of something or when you were in a hurry, but that’s not the way you talk to them. In fact that’s not the way to talk to anybody. I don’t get how some can forget that these old people are the ones who showered us with love and affection. Our parents may have made mistakes, they are not superheroes but can you really block the fact that they are the ones who have raised you up to be the healthy person that you are today?

And I do know people who allow their children to do such terrible things to them. I know parents who allow their children to take money from them even though they are well above their 30s. I know there are parents who pay off their children’s debts with loan sharks over and over again. I know there are also parents who “protect” their children by not sending them into rehabilitation due to illegal drug use. These parents think that what they are doing is right, that if they love their children that’s what they’re supposed to do.

But what they are doing is actually spoiling their children further. What they are doing is not the solution but actually contributing to the problem, proliferating the issue. And if it is drug abuse – they are actually placing their children’s lives in danger.

So no, I may not know a whole lot about parenting but I think we can all agree that some parents are actually jeopardising their children’s future instead of nurturing them to be a better person by instilling the right values?

Always coming back to you, you are like my secret place.

Can you tell an abuser when you see one? When I say abusive relationships, I’m sure many of you would be picturing swollen eyes, broken noses, dislocated arms.. Well, that’s one type.

Another type would be mental abuse. And usually, people don’t seem to realise till it’s too late.

But I think both types are equally dangerous. Let’s talk about type 1 first. I know there are many people out there who is with someone who abuses physically. A husband, a boyfriend, a wife, a girlfriend, a father, a mother, etc etc.

Yes I’m not only talking about the men but the women as well.

I think that no living person deserves to be treated any lesser than how a human being should be treated. Parents are supposed to be guardians to their children, and by using physical force/any other form of abuse is not the right way to nurture them.

I’ve seen parents slapping their children, and mind you, they are only little boys and girls. How do you expect them to grow up normally? There will always be a scar left behind. One hit, sometimes that’s all it takes to wound them for a lifetime.

I am so disgusted by parents who sexually abuse their children, or anyone’s children for that matter. Or those who expect their children to be slaves at home?

It doesn’t come down to education, I don’t think only uneducated people are harsh and violent. A person may be a Harvard or Oxford graduate with PhDs and all that, but he/she could still be abusive.

Think about it this way, when you abuse your children, they do not grow up to be normal. For all you know, they could end up being a serial killer or something. There are many ways to teach, violence is without doubt not one of them.

Partners who abuse the weaker significant other. I don’t believe in second chances in most things, and this is certainly one of them. Often enough, the abuser would attack and hit but the next thing you know, he/she breaks down and begs for forgiveness, promising it would never again.

Trust me, it WILL happen again. I know a lot of people who put up with it, try to live a normal life but no one knows what really happens behind closed doors. I think that’s a very stupid thing to do. You need to stand up for yourself because you do not have to endure such pain and humiliation.

Type 2. When a person you have a relationship with, be it your parents/partner/even a friend, is constantly bringing you down by intimidating you or making you feel like you do not deserve anything good in life, that’s an abusive relationship.

No one likes to be pushed around and to be made feel worthless.

When you are in that kind of relationship for long, you tend to be what people say you are. You lose self confidence, your self esteem, your purpose of life. All you’ll ever think about is how big of a failure you are.

Why let yourself go through all that misery and despair? You know yourself better than any other person out there, so do not let anyone take control of your life. Stay away from all these hazardous and noxious people who want to knock you over.

I know, easier said than done. But this could be life-threatening. Step out before it’s too late, while you still can.

Ordinary people are daunted by strong minds,
don’t be one of them.