What’s your perception?

When you find out that your ex is now dating someone new, your very first intuition will be to check that person out. Next will be to point all of his/her flaws out, wondering if she/he better than you. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is human nature – I think we all do that in the beginning. We are competitive in nature, we have a little hard time trying to cope with the fact that the person you once loved/still love has moved on and found someone new. It is only normal if you want to make a few physical judgements to soothe yourself. There should however, be a fine line between competitiveness and ill feelings just because you are not fond of that person for no apparent reason.

If your partner or your ex had cheated on you, your very first sense will be to push the entire blame on the third party. After all, if he/she never came into the picture, things would still be perfect between you and your person. It may sound logical to you, but irrational. Feelings and commitment maybe, must have been long gone way before it could even happen. Some make it seem as though the third party appeared and placed a spell on him/her therefore such a thing took place. It requires two hands to clap, it is okay to be furious and upset – but it does not give you the excuse to do horrible things.

When the topic of prostitution arises, your first thought would be why some women would do such a thing to their body and self. Many may not have thought about it this way but most females who have to endure such a thing never had a choice. Many prostitution centres are run by drug rings or syndicates, they are usually connected. Do you think it is so simple for someone to just run away from something like that? They too, have fears. They fear for their lives, they fear for the financial status of their family members and children. Do you think that if given the opportunity, they wouldn’t want to swap jobs and become a janitor/clerk instead?

Talking about bribery, we conveniently place the blame on the government officers/enforcers. True, what they do is wrong but how did they have the chance to do so in the first place? They didn’t just stumble upon it or make it happen on their own. It’s because the people are offering bribe. If there were no offerer, will there be an acceptor? That sounded a whole lot like a topic in Business Law regarding offer and acceptance Which is of course, not related here. So yes, we always say the cops are the bad guys but the citizens and vehicle users need to stop providing them with the opportunity. Again, takes two hands to clap.

When you face rude drivers on the road, your immediate response would be to curse. Maybe they are in a hurry for an emergency like a woman they love is going into labour or their children need to be picked up from school or be taken to the clinic. However we seldom give others benefit of the doubt, we almost never try to justify their actions. When you get angry over something like this, you are the only one at loss. The other party feels nothing and is clueless about what your feelings are and really, keeping your calm on the road is actually better for your health.

It is always easier to make others look bad, to point their weaknesses out and judge without giving it another thought. It is also always much simpler to free ourselves from blame and wrong. Don’t be so quick to jump into conclusions, there’s more to most things than meets the eye.

Story of a boy and his one-eyed mother.

Someone sent me this story via a forwarded email chain a very long time ago. I suddenly thought of it so I fetched it from the Net. This is how the story goes:

My mother had only one eye, I hated her, she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell… anything for the money we needed, she cooked for students & teachers to support the family, she was such an embarrassment.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me?! I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said,

“EEEE, your mom has only one eye!”

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. So I confronted her that day and said,

” If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?!!!”

My mother remained silent. I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted out of her house. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I’d wanted to say all this time.

Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me, but I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly. That night, I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I’m living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it’s a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me.

It was my mother, still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.  My little girl ran away, scared of my mom’s eye. And I asked her,

“Who are you? I don’t know you!!!” as if I tried to make that real.

I screamed at her “How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!”

And to this, my mother quietly answered, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,” and she disappeared.

Thank goodness, she doesn’t recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn’t going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbours said that my mother had died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

My son…
I think my life has been long enough now.
And I won’t visit Seoul anymore, but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much.
And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
But I decided not to go to the school, for you. I’m sorry that I only have one eye,
and I was an embarrassment for you.
You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident,
and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye…
so I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me,
in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did.
The couple times that you were angry with me,
I thought to myself,

“it’s because he loves me.”

I miss the times when you were still young around me.

I miss you so much. I love you.

You mean the world to me.

With my love to you..

Your mother

I do not know how true this story is, if someone who had really gone through that wrote it. But this story teaches us so many things in so many ways. For instance, how could you ever hate or have ill feelings towards your parents? Because they want nothing but the best for you and I know that given the chance, any doting parent would’ve done the same as the mother in the story above.

It also teaches us that people with disabilities have feelings too, they too can contribute to the world. They are not a nuisance or a burden. The mother had only one eye, but she was capable of raising her son single-handedly and she brought food home for her son.

Also, many people who are born in a perfectly fine condition do not appreciate it. Some rant about how life sucks but what about those who can’t speak? How do they rant? They are forced to suppress their feelings and thoughts without having anyone at all to listen to them. Some complain about the kind of shitty music we have these days, what about those who are deaf? What would they give just to be able to listen, regardless good or bad music or even the annoying noise pollution cars/construction sites produce.

The story sounded a lot like the one Dad told me. It’s about a girl who constantly complained about how she doesn’t have enough pairs of shoes until the day she met another girl without feet.

Imagine people who were born mentally-challenged, those born without a leg or a hand, those born without the ability to see. What they would not give to have your life. Yet here we are, always complaining about this and that, every little thing we are not happy about. If you are reading this, remember that your life is so much more better than half of the world population, maybe even more than that.

In each of us.

In each of us is a little unhappiness. Sometimes it’s the bigger things like marriage, work, life.

Sometimes it could be the little things such as what we eat. You’d be surprised how much of effect something so petty can have on a person.

Whether big or small issues, they are one thing: a contributing factor.

At any given point of time, we are unhappy with at least one thing. But we have a choice in deciding whether we want to or not.

Sometimes you get unhappy about something that may seem serious to you but insignificant in the eyes of others.

Yet when you wake up the next morning, you ask yourself this question: what was I even upset about?

The thing is, you think it’s not that big of an issue because you think you’re the only one who is affected.

Truth is it involves the people around you, the world does not revolve around you alone. By being upset, you can cause several other people their happiness.

It’s like a cycle, it goes round and when it comes back to you, you ask yourself whether if it even mattered.

I think most of us here, we spend too much time worrying about things that might not happen in a million years and allow that to cause us discomfort.

When you fail to see the bigger picture, you miss out on being free and happy. Being in constant discontentment can be pretty burdening.

Let go a little, love and live.

All talks.

I believe there are certain things about people that we should refrain ourselves from talking about criticising.

1. Their looks

It’s unfair when you call people ugly or hideous whether it’s because you hate them or you really think so. A person’s looks can’t be picked off a rack like you get to choose what brand of orange juice you want at the supermarket. A person’s looks stays with him/her for life. Some people are prettier than others, I’ll admit, but their looks are not the only thing that matters. It’s very childish to pick on people by telling them they have ugly eyes or they have flat noses. Also, never call people fat/anorexic. It’s such a shallow tactic when you use a person’s weight to justify an argument or to make that person look less appealing.

2. Girls who wear revealing outfits or simply have some out of the ordinary way of dressing up

I think what people want to wear is seriously none of anyone’s business. Just because you’re lashing out at someone of your same sex does not mean it’s right. Some have religious beliefs that prohibit them from showing off too much skin but those who don’t – why do they have to cover up so that people won’t talk about them? A person’s clothing should not be what determines if he/she deserves respect. Of course we’re speaking in general terms here, not talking about formal functions and all that.

There are so many types of styles that many adopt differently. Just to name a few: bohemian, vintage, smart casual. Anyone can pick whichever one they like and whether it suits them perfectly is another story. Some people dare to be different, some prefer to come up with their own likings and that should be fine. Some may have a sense of style that is out of the world but that’s what they like! So let them be! Just because you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it does not mean the entire universe has to obey your preferences.

3. People’s likes and interests

Football clubs, singers, again, choice of dressing up, to name a few. Perfect example for a football club: Manchester United. It’s as though there must only be two extremes, you either love the club or you hate it. Simple question: why? Don’t fancy them? Don’t watch them play, simple isn’t it? Best part is, those players and manager don’t even know you! The moment you find out someone is a fan of the club you hate, your rating for that person immediately goes downhill and vice versa.

Perfect example for a singer: Ke$ha. Again, two extremes. You either hate the girl or you love her to bits because you love her songs. Simple question again: why? If you think she’s a bad singer, all right, fair enough, don’t listen to her. What I don’t get is why some people have to go to such measures where they post hate messages and publicly express their hatred, besides judging those who are fans of hers.

Why can’t we be neutral or at least, what I call good fans? I’m fan of Manchester United but I have never once tried to provoke those who support other teams. I believe in healthy sports and I think most people can’t seem to see the point of football – it is to bring people together, not set barriers. I’m not an avid listener of Ke$ha’s songs but do I think that she’s shit and she doesn’t deserve all this because she looks trashy? (Again, refer to no.2) No I don’t.

4. Basically, the way people want to live their lives.

In short, it’s really not your say. I don’t know why so many people are so interested in lives that are not theirs! It’s like an obsession. You claim to hate that person but you seem to notice his/her every move. That doesn’t quite tally right? Spend more time on yourself instead of focusing on what you can point your fingers at on others.

Politics.

When someone mentions the word politics, people usually envisage it as our government or the Cabinet & ministers. What’s presently hot in the politics air right now would be our Opposition leader’s allegedly sex video with a woman, which surfaced about a week ago. There are actually people who think that he should step down and quit politics altogether if there is enough substantiation to prove that the man in the video is indeed him.

What’s ironic is that our current MCA president was once embroiled in a sex video scandal too and look where he is now! So I don’t get why people are making such a big fuss out of this. I’m not choosing sides here, because how could I possibly know for certain if the man in the video is really the man people claim he is? Not to mention the timing of this video being exposed couldn’t have been better. But what really makes me wonder is how come no action is taken against those who had the tape (possession), those who distributed it, and what more, how can a sex video be watched in the Parliament with all the ministers present? It’s not a circus show.

The person who placed the hidden video camera in the hotel room violated both the man and the woman’s human rights and privacy. But that’s of course not as important as determining who’s the man in the video huh? Because what’s more electrifying than that right?

That’s not the only kind of politics all of us have to tackle or know of. When you think of it, we deal with politics at home, at school, at work, and so on. Family members’ bickering and sibling rivalry are also politics. Two or more parties are battling each other to obtain one objective. The only difference in the many types of politics would be the goal, the aim. At country level, those involved in politics fight for the power and the money.

As for family, it could be due to nepotism & jealousy or again, wealth. At a workplace, everyone wants to climb the corporate ladder quickest with minimal effort. Every staff wants to be the superior’s pet, they want to be liked and even favourited among the senior staff so that it imposes a positive effect on their work performance and/or job prospect. In school, everyone wants to be the popular kid or at least get to hang out with the popular clan. Schools are never lack of “drama”.

Everywhere you go gossip about others will be knocking on your front door more often that you could imagine and if you’re unlucky, the topic could be on you. It’s best if you try to stay away from giving suggestive remarks when it comes to conversations like that. When your friends/colleagues are bad-mouthing your superior/s or someone else, you should only listen and not chip in your part (regardless whether you too have complaints & rants or not). Neither do you agree or disagree. Simply nod your head or say something like “Oh really?” or “I didn’t know that“.

The thing about hearsay is it unfurls more rapidly than STDs, or rather quicker than you can say no I don’t think it spreads faster than STDs. And it always gets back to the person who is the topic of the gossip. So when something like that ensues, if you were the one who generated the story or started spreading it, chances are you will face the music sooner or later. If you have contributed, that’s practically the same thing.

Most idle talk and rumours are usually due to women and that’s one hard fact. Most women just can’t ignore the excitement of spreading a juicy piece of story that she knows would excite her other women friends as well. Sometimes certain types of gossip are harmless and could be fun even, but there are some which could jeopardise relationships or in this case, your job. Never go overboard when you’re too caught up with gossip. In extreme cases, it could also cause suicide attempts and a person’s reputation.

So before you say anything, think if you would like it if someone were to say something like that about you. Think about how you would feel about it, and the corollaries that could crop up.

Something every day.

Isn’t my watch cool? It’s so long!

Today I’m gonna get touchy. Not in that way, silly. I don’t get why certain people have to have more than necessary/appropriate physical contact with others when communicating. It’s very awkward. It makes people think you’re weird and freaky. Or maybe it’s just me.

Especially when you’ve just met that person! First impression? POOF! into thin air. It also makes me feel a little awkward when people I’m not close to or those I seldom see greet me with three kisses on the cheek. Erm, a little too much? That’s like – three awkward seconds there.

Anyway, I’m not one who is fond of physical touch to begin with. Maybe people meant to be friendly and I’m just over-absorbing it. I don’t enjoy being tickled, I believe there are many other ways to make a person laugh. In fact tickling annoys me after maybe, four seconds. Don’t fancy people poking me or tapping my shoulder from behind too. Usually, I get slightly irritated before planting a smile on my face to that person.

I think everyone has different bodily reactions and it’s not fair to place people into categories. Each of us will react differently to different approaches just like how different people have different arousal spots. You know how researches say one of women’s weakest spots is the inner thigh? Well try rubbing it on someone you see on the train and see if she brings you home to her bed

Maybe not a solid example but just trying to say that not all of us will react the same way.

Another example is when someone is blocking your way. Simply say excuse me or clear your throat or something. Don’t use your hands and try to push that person aside out of the blue without a word. That creeps people out and then it just turns into annoyance.

Therefore I think people should be a little considerate when it comes to too much physical contact. Some may find you friendly and approachable but there might be some who will find it less attractive.

Human nature?

It’s sad that at a time people should be mourning and perhaps praying, there are a few out there who do not feel a thing and choose to make matters worse. It’s like they have a problem, and they can’t deal with world peace or love. Whenever they see something good happening, they want to break the chain.

When things get hard or rough, there will always be that one person/few people who will try to bring you down lower. It is like they feed on the desperation or despair of others. I just want to know, why are there people like them in the world? They are the ones blocking us from achieving great things.

Every parent tries to raise their children to be someone good, someone useful to the society. So where did these kids come from? What are their stories? Why can’t they want to see happy endings and harmony? It makes them happy when bad things happen to people whom they think deserve it.

No one deserves to have terrible things happening to them.

Like wishing a girl he hates would get raped or murdered, or wishing the boy she hates contracting HIV/AIDS. It’s crazy how some people could want things like that. I mean, are they sick in the mind, do they need to reside in an asylum? Because I think they are unfit to lead a normal life like we do.

You might have noticed this; when you have good things going for you, there will always be haters wishing and waiting for you to fall. When you are happy and you don’t have any sadness in your life, there will always be a few bitter gourds who can’t stand the sight of your smile.

They are like rotten apples. We have too much of them, the entire basket could go bad. We need to get rid of them so that the rest of the apples in the basket can still be fresh and stay unharmed.

So don’t bother what people have to say if they are all gonna be bad/negative. You just do your thing as long as you know what you’re doing, as long as what you’re doing is right.